hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
