Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
