They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
