I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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