I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
