I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
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