he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
