Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
