Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
