Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she pinky promised me she was 18
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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