just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
