i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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