Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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