I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
