3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
