my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
