she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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