come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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