It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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