you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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