my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
