laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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