careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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