Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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