I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
