So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
