So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
