census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
