We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
