We won't sleep together?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
