what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
