Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
