Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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