Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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