i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I've blown a few things in my day
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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