I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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