who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
