Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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