Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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