physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
