Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
