you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
