As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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