Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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