Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
