A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
