my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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