I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
