fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
