I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'm always down for nudity.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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