I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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