After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
